There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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