talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
