this beer tastes like vomit already
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
