oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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