Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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