Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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