So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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