DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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