We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
