would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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