Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize