I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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