Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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