I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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