hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
