there's paper in my vomit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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