I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize