Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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