TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
