I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
