I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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