i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
