Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
