whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we made out on top of his cat.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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