So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
