I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
