That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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