well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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