it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
