i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
