Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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