No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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