Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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