What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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