I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
