i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
