At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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