There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
