My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize