Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize