i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
