for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
