I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
