She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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