if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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