he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
