Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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