Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
