Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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