Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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