I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
