Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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