What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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