ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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