so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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