It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
