I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
