Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
