Got a toothbrush?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
