I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
