how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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