She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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