My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
