He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
