Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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