The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
