can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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