Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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