fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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