just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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